What does unschooling means to me.

The other night I've managed to catch a BBC UK program called Last Chance Kids. It's basically a documentary on how certain UK schools is doing to increase the level of reading. It was really teeth grinding, nerve cringingly painful to watch the way the teachers and headteachers speak to those children. How is it possible that it's accepatable for teachers to shout at those children? There's was this kid, and he was obviously having issues, as it was blatantly stated that his father was in jail, and his mother is struggling to survive on "single parent benefit". It was obviously from this kid's language, that he was constantly swore at and it's second nature fo r him to swear at the teachers. It was obvious this kid is suffering from low self esteem, and is using this "I don't have to listen to you" and "I can swear at you" gung-ho appearance to hide his embarrassment and unhappiness at being unable to read. Nobody ask the this kid why he's misbehaving. It was obviously that with this kid, it's been agreed amongst the adults there's a "no tolerance attitude" applied towards him, everytime he misbehave. Seeing the number of times this kid been shouted at by the teacher, right across the room. The number of times of not having the chance to explained and defend why he did what he did and the immediate punishement by being ordered out of the room, in front of the whole class.

I'm not saying this can happen to my son, but then, I thinking surely it must be so unpleasant to even be in that same class, having to put up with this constant battle between the teacher's shouting and the child's kicking off his chair as he storm off to the headmistress room.

So what does unschooling means to me? Well, it meant speaking to the child, allowing the child to tell you what's going thru his mind. It meant to respect and accept that the child does have up and down feelings that is equally as important and legit as our, and is quite capable of fixing his own problems, if given the opportunities to do so.

I do realised this 11 months of unschooling has isolated me and my kid, so far away from any unpleasant and harsh world, especially school environment. Am I cotton woolling him from reality? Am I cotton woolling myself from reality? Am I hiding from facts of life? We've been hiding so long away in our unschooling bubble that it was quite a shock to our system to see reality played out on that tv screen. But yet it was only just 11 months ago, DS was in that scenario. I clearly now understand and feel his distress and can understand why he was so disturb and effected by a school environment. And that documentary only just a half hour show, already I was feeling really upset for that child, I can imagine how bad it can be for my son to be in that situation 9 - 3pm, 5 days a week?

So am I being un-real by hiding my son in these lovey dovey, fluffy, happy and nourishing world of homeschooling/ unschooling? The mantra constantly chanted in the school playground, while waiitng for our kids to come out "Yes, it's horrible, my kid's not very happy because blah blah blah...." "Well, life's hard, and they'll just have to learn" "Oh yes, I told my kid, life is unfair and he'll have to learn to acecept it" "school is all about preparing our children for future" Blah, Bah, Blah!!!

So, school is all about learning to put up with your unhappiness and get on with it, and you can do "happiness" when you're eventually big enough to rebel against your teacher! Homeschooling is also all about putting up with your unhappiness too, just in a different setting, in that you're allowed to start living your life happily, as how you want it, when you graduate "out of your parents house"

Basically, put your life on hold until you're finished memorising all those school texts!

Now, unschooling is all about learning to live your life as how you see fit, right here, right now. So that you can get it out of the way, and concentrate on the more important things like your interest! It's about practsing "real life", in preparation for your future. It's about practising to say "NO, this is not what I want", "No, this is a mistake" "No, it's a wrong choice, but at least I tried, and I've found out that I didn't like it" and say to yourself "Now, what can I do next?"

It's about "Not having to put up with unhappiness" and DO something about it. Not just moan and bitch and complain and grudgingly accept it and say "Life's tough but that's life" !!!

Now, unschooling for us is about trying many different things, until we find the things we liked enough to incorporate into our lives, for keeps, for real. And should we outgrown it sometime later, so be it, because it's only natural, and it's OK TO CHANGE!! It's about learning to live harmoniously with other people, naturally your parents and friends will be your first.

So back to my question. Am I fooling myself by wrapping ourselves in these friendly unschooling bubble?

No, not at all. Infact I'm really happy that I've put such a big divide between that horrible, harsh world and my child's world. I feel all those negativity is so unnessecary and un-relevant to our world. Yes, negativity exist, evil exist, hardship exist, unhappiness exist and many more bad feelings exist- I'm not denying it. But what I'm saying is, I don't have to invite it into my child's world, not now, as I'm sure all these factors will naturally flow into his life as he grows older, and venture out into the world. Does this means my child won't be able to face such negative reality? I don't know, but I do know that there's a high chance my child will be able to extricate himself out of any uncomfortable situation, if he wants to. Life's to short to be fighting every battle.

What I am saying is it's so ridiculous that all these parents thinks that it better for their child to be immerse into all the negative feelings, in order to give them immunity to future hardship? Well, if that's the case, why don't we just sent them into military camp, for military training, considering the world now is so full of war and terrorist.

There's no reason for any children to grow up, having to put up wth all these bullying, of not having the chance to develop respect for themselves and others. Of having to accept they are defenseless and therefore unable to change it. No wonder all these children grows up being angry and nasty. Guess where they're learning it from. Yes, I'm really glad I've wrap us both up in this lovely bubble and can swish ourselves away from any horrible situation that we don't like, if we can help it. It's not about not wanting to face reality, It's about being able to make that decision to say NO when it's too much to handle!

If I'm helping my son to channel all his energy into building a more positive, happy self, rather than waste all those energy, trying to heal his broken heart and build more defenses, because some kid is being angry and mean and is taking his frustration out on my kid by calling him stupid or "stinky", my son might just have so much love left over, enough to share with others.

A very evident case based on Halloween trick and treating 2 nights ago. Son and 9 yr old friend went trick and treating, with just 1 bag. The agreement was they will split the goodies among themselves later. My son has already pointed out that he doesn't like chocolate, so the friend can have all the chocolates collected. When they were dviding up the loot, the friend ended up with more, as there were more chocolates than sweets. The friend was so adamant that my son should have the equal number of items. But my kid didn't like the chocolates. So this kid ended up giving my son all his non-chocolate sweets, so that they can equal out the amount. In the end, the number still didn't balance out, the friend was beginning to get upset. My kid just stated "It's ok Jack. It doesn't really matter anyway. I'm happy with what I've got and I don't need anymore. BUt you can share some of these, since you've given me all of your chewies, and now you have non!" And they happily did just that, chewing thru my son's share of chewies and boiled sweets!

See what I mean? Harmony + Love = Sharing. In return, you'll get respect.