Is there such a thing as A Good Meltdown?

An unschooling mum wrote this in one of my unschooling list.

"As much as I hate to admit this, I do still find it difficult
sometimes to support him as wholeheartedly when surrounded by adults
who see his behaviour as wrong or anti-social or inappropriate, even
when I know it is perfectly appropriate for him and I see that he is
developing into a more capable, happier person"
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To me, all kids go into meltdowns of tears and tantrums. But perhaps our aspie kids do it more frequently and intensely. Yes, sometimes, no matter how patient we are, other people's judgement can get to us.

Despite our best intention to avoiding such scene, it is still part of life, for we cannot isolate ourselves completely! It is still part of our child's learning mechanism, these meltdowns- it is merely an alarm of senses overload. What overloads them, we cannot be for sure everytime. But at least I know my son's mind is practising "coping" defenses.

I've learnt to do this. Immediately 100% attention on my son, and blank out everything around us.

I'll just stay focus on embracing him in my arms (sometimes arms flaying, wild eyed and shouting and all) lots of back strokes and gentle re-assuring murmurings of "it's ok, hush...sh". I have to allow the emotions to flush thru his system, for once opened, the emotional flood gates cannot be shut.

The tears is another stress releasing mechanism. Sometimes, it's big heart renching tears. Sometimes it's angry tears!!. And sometimes, it's all about frustrations. But he will calm down and have a chat about it. But it's when he says "it's ok mum, I'm fine now" and acknowledge that it was just him repeating the same old mistake again, I knew we're not far away from having 1 less meltdown.

It is all about providing him a safe environment to "meltdown", without any attacks from anyone or anything!!. And one day, he'll learn to control and not overshot that threshold again! Yes, it seems now that we're unschooling and perhaps he is growing up, the meltdowns are getting lesser.

You'll be surprise that when you exhibit such strong nurturing body language, the people around you will either ignore you because thier sense tells them that "the problem is being attented to and it's non of thier concern". You might get the occasional few gentle souls who wish to join in the fuss LOL! and contribute thier "love and empathy", especially old ladies.

But very rarely anyone would want to interupt such an intimate moment, if anything, they mostly walk past respectfully.

I find that people are ready to join in a "I told you so" reprimanding session, whether by snide remarks or body language. But because the human senses is programmed to response to distress signs, like a child crying or getting out of control, their senses is telling them that something is wrong. Hence I believe, if people is sensing our escalating stress in trying to calm our child, they will feel the need to "help us get the situation under control". They will even feel the "need to take over" by telling us what to do, especially when they assume we are losing control over our child because our child is responding even more loudly to all these negative vibes.

The only way I can stop my body language vibrating such negative signals, "inviting all unwanted help" is to shut-down by huddling up to my child. I don't think of anything, but focus on that moment. For I understood that the meltdown is a result of my child's mind reaching a threshold- an achievement, a celebration, a positive thing to happen (of course i would have prefer it to happen in the comfort of our home LOL). I understood and accept that "For every meltdown, there is progress" Hence my body language is exhibiting positive signal "everything is ok and under control". Bearing in mind that my sensitive child is also picking up these signals up too.

My child do regress, either before a big leap forward, or after a good few months of progress- 2 steps back for every step forward. Then perhaps his meltdown is just another step backwards, before he makes that step forward. I see this as his mind practising to cope.

So, yes, I do think my son's meltdowns are good. Meltdowns are so good that I do occasionally treat myself to one, like yesterday night LOL!! I meltdowned by submitting to a black, self pitying, foul mood and started lecturing son about his self-centered, selfish and complaining attitude, that I'm so fed-up, I'm going to bed NOW and watch Mulan on the laptop. Needless to say, son soon joined me in bed, and cuddled up as we watched the behind the scenes of the making of Mulan. He apologised for making me feel so sad, and I apologised for being angry at him. We made up by promising each other that we'll try to be nicer to each other.

Let's Talk Money ...... calculator style!!!

Lately Jnr's into calculators. From counting how much money he'll make in a month to how long more does he has to wait for his birthday. He calculates how much he needs to buy another Lego set, and how much extra he needs for the 2nd set. He calculates how many hours till payday, and he also calculates how much pocket money he would have had when he reaches 18 yrs old. Which subsequently got him depressed because he's thinking How wonderful!! What a huge amount of pocket money! If only he didn't have to wait till he's 18!!LOL!!!!

First, Jnr decided that he were going to work in Tesco where he can make a fortune of GBP800 a month! Then he can buy any toy he wanted!

Then he's decided he will be a toy shop owner. This way he gets to play with all the toys in the shop. He is also gonna be a kind shopkeeper by all childrent to come and play with all the toys in his shop. So we've been discussing about how much it'll cost to set up such a toy shop.

And then, Jnr decided that he'll be a pilot so that he can travel everywhere by his very own small plane. So, lots of saving up to do in order to buy that plane too!!

So as you can see, Jnr's calculator has been very very busy lately.

He also worked out how old he was in terms of hours. Because he reckon if we were to pay him by the hour, he'll be RICH!!! LOL!!

Ah...No, I don't think so LOL!!!

Anyway, Jnr is 24 hrs x 365 days x 7 yrs = 61,320 hours old.

MamaGecko is 332,880 hours old, which really impressed Jnr LOL! And I think I really deserved to be paid by the hour, being a fulltime housekeeper, chef, mother, wife and educator and all! LOL!

Sharks, Mammals and All.

We have safely cruised thru Jnr's obsession and fascination with sharks and killer whales. So far, we've learnt that killer whales are known as Orca, and that sharks are afraid of dolphins because dolphins with it's bulbous nose will attack the shark on it's soft underbelly. And that sharks are fish, because they have gills which explains that they need to continuosly swim in order to flush oxygen laden water thru their gills; and that they drown if they stop swimming- like those that got caught in fishermen nets. Most sharks lay eggs that comes in very interesting shape and sizes, but some sharks do give birth to babies.

Whales and dolphins are mammals because they have lungs, which explains that they come to the surface of water all the time to breathe. Jnr reckon that is why dolphins keeps jumping out of water when they swim- to catch their breath! And all mammals give birth to babies including these magnificent creatures.

We watched the Free Willy movie, which had us discussing why if the whale is a mammal, why can't it survive out of water? It just so happened last month, there was another great big whale beached on the River Thames, which unfortunately died despite massive effort to relocate it back to sea. This lead to discussions of the evolution and size. Which was interesting enough backed up by the Walking With Beast documentary about whales being originally aggresive predotary, snappy crocodile-like land creature which eventually evolved into this gentle creatures like the big humpback whale with thier soft fringed-like teeth. As always, Jnr is very short on attention but nevertheless his obsession allows continuous little talks and snippets here and there about whales' size, fats and bouncy, gravity and evolution.

Intersting link about whales
http://www.learner.org/jnorth/tm/gwhale/AdaptationsHead.html

Playing with FIRE!!!!

Current Obsession : Fire

Activities : How to light a match
How to hold a lite match without burning your finger
Looking at the dynamics of a match, what's that funny smell?
Glass over candle experiment

Observation :
That funny smell is called sulfur, same stuff fireworks made of. Jnr remembered that fireworks was first invented in Ancient China. When the bamboo chopstick got on fire, it demonstarted to him how the chinese invented candles, which is bamboo stick with moulded wax on it.

Melting wax and burning paper towel
That paper towel mixed together with melted wax together burns longer (oil lamp)
That paper towel wrap around wax coated satay sticks makes burning torch.
That wax is a reversable item. Melt into liquid, cools to solid form again.
Paper towel is a irreversible item. Burns into ashes. Cools into carbon form.

Wax is what was used in the special effects of the melting face scene in Indiana Jones. The melting head was just many layers of colour wax, moulded onto a skeleton frame.

This activity proved that Fire indeed is a very useful item, however it can also get out of hand very easily. Hence I'm pleased see that Jnr knew what was required to put out an out of control plate of burning wax. Put a wet towel over it.

We looked at the "glass over the candle on the plate" experiment, and observe how the lack of air will extinguish the flame. I then put some water on the plate, and repeat the process again. This time, when the candle goes out, water was being sucked into the glass. Which suggest a sucking motion was in process due to the flame going out.

MamaGecko made her own candle using a toilet roll with a birthday candle in the middle, and pouring all those melted wax into it.

I think we've learnt about the relationship between oxygen and fire. Science once again proved to Jnr that there's always a method or reason behind everything we see, and science certainly play a big part in all of his favourite movie special effects.

So the question being asked and discussed is how was fire first started, and then discovered. How did humankind stumble across fire in 10,000BC? Was it by accident that the caveman realised that fire changes the condition of raw food?

Next lesson:- We've seen on discovery channel how to start fire by rubbing 2 pieces of dry wood together. But how do one start fire using a magnifying glass?

History lesson: The Mummy, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Movie

To my opinion, the scenes were not as good as Indiana Jones. But nevertheless, it is still a great show to catch. This show basically showcased alot of the ancient chinese inventions - crossbows and many more. It covered alot of the Jnr's history understanding. The Terracotta warriors' formation got him excited enough to suggest that we should to see the real thing in China, someday.

A Homeschooling Song...

Here's a rib tickling and inspiring song, courtesy of one unschooling mum, posted on one of unschooling groups.

I Will Survive (the first year of homeschooling)
Originally written and produced by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris
Originally performed by Gloria Gaynor
Mercilessly altered with apologies by Natalie Criss
======================================

First I was afraid
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I could never teach
'Cause I'm not certified.
But we spent so many nights
Reteaching homework that was wrong.
I grew strong,
so now I teach my kids at home!
We study math
and outer space.
I just kept on despite the fear
with a big smile across my face.
I bought a set of Base Ten blocks.
I bought books with answer keys.
My parents think we're nuts,
but they don't even bother me

Come on, let's go walk out the door.
We're on the road now,
'cause we're not home much anymore
My friends would laugh and say we'd be unsocialized.
I heard one mumble
that I'd give up by July.
Oh no, not I!
I will survive!
As long as I know how to read
I know we'll be alright.
I've got all my life to learn.
I've got energy to burn.
and I'll survive.
I will survive.

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart.
Decided to attend
a play date at the local park,
and I met oh so many moms
who offered eagerly to help.
They used to cry.
Now they hold their heads up high,
and so do we!
My kids are cool!
They're not those chained up little people
stuck inside at school.
So if you feel like dropping by
and just expect us to be free
you'd better call ahead first
'cause we're probably busy

Month 20 of unschooling....

We're still plodding along. Currently there's lots of Lego building, Bionicle building, movie fascination which suddenly saw me and Jnr going to the cinema 3 times already this month. Jnr is also keen to work with his pc syllabus without me having to negotiate with him to do so. He alternates between JumpStart Grade 3 which he really loves because of it's cute cartoon characters to DK's ClueFinders Grade 5 which we find alittle more challenging than the Grade 4 disc. We found this Grade 4 program more like a gap filler, with syllabus very similar to Grade 3, which was boring and slow.

We've bought the ADi's Complete Learning Pack for Year 4, but haven't got the chance to check it out yet but it does seems promising with it's cute-looking alien boy name Adi. My son has a thing for cute and funny characters.

Schedule - well, we're still working along a pattern of nonstop learning thru the pc for weeks, and then a sudden long stretch of not learning at all.

I am still constantly on the lookout for different ways to support Jnr's education. One of my HEing friend's 8 yrs old son started his own blog which I thought was a brilliant idea, so I've copied that. I suggested to son to start his own blog about his toys, predominantly Legos, and lucky me, he's sold on the idea. Hence AllAboutMyToys.blog begin.

Seeing him working on his blog made me realised that my son did learnt alot over these past 20 months. And that alot of his learning is all self- directed. Which got me thinking:-

What is he learning? I understand that he is learning, just by living life as he knows it, but will there be evidence that all these life skills can actually be translated into something academically tangible?

What I am trying to say is, school is trying to prepare it's children for life, by teaching them as much life skills as they can, their only evidence that a child has "absord a fairly reasonable level of " life skills that's been pitched at them, is exams results. But we're still not sure if the skills they've picked is more for passing exams or do they really understand what they've learnt can actually be applied to daily life?

I am now very interested to see evidence of my son applying his learnt skill to his living environment.

I supposed his blog about his toys is 1 evidence. The language skills that he's picked up has allowed him to be able to express his opinions, and write it down.

What other evidence of learning can I see?

Well, the freedom to buy whatever he wants has manifest into tremendous counting skills. Nowadays, he can very confidently calculate how many weeks of savings, or how much £ short he is, with regards to that slightly more expensive toy that he wants. He's beginning to start talking multiplications, and is able to multiply easily with 10s, 100s or 1000s. He's taken to calculating his pocket money in terms of annually- I think the idea of having a huge lump of money at one go really excites him, so much that he's suggested to me to give him the balance of his pocket money for the 2nd half of the year in one go LOL!!

Nowadays, my son is constantly looking for ways to make money- from laundry to selling me little Lego figures that he's made, and he has sold me many!! The deal was once sold, these figures were mine to keep. If he wants them back, he'll have to buy it back from me. Today, he didn't have the money to buy back a Lego Royal Mail plane from me but instead, he's offered to barter trade 2 newly bult Lego airplanes for it. A done deal!

We now have questions like how many days in such and such a month. Or how many hours in a month/ year? Questions about how long a journey will take which allowed the explanation of miles/ hour. And alot more questions, that has no link to the question or discussion before it. He is definetely learning in many parellel sequences, and all these parellel learning is moving asycrony. It seem like something in our discussion always trigger off an awareness of something totally different.

20 months on, we are now beginning to see the wonders of unschooling. We now see what every homeschooling experts is saying - "intrinsic learning". It will be really interesting to how all this little titbits fall in place, forming a bigger picture.