Sunday 26 August 2007

Project Grand Theft Auto- Day 1

The GTA game didn't work so Papa Gecko and son had to go back to town today to exchange it for another. But what surprised me was Gecko Jnr was quite happy and content to continue waiting for the chance to play on this long awaited game. He didn't even get upset when the cd wouldn't load up! He very nonchanlantly moved onto his other 2 new games, Barnyard and DragonBall (we bought him these "buy 2 get 3rd free pre-owned promotion"). So today, son ventured out to town with Papa Gecko, for an exchange. And when they got home, Papa fixed lunch before joining son on sofa for a game of GTA. Needless to say, with all those scurrying through and fro between the tv room and the computer room for online cheat codes, very soon 1 hour is up and son had a meltdown! When informed of the hours being up, son abruptly switch off PS2 and scuttled off upstairs, claiming he wants to do some "thinking". Muffled crying sounds can be heard soon after. Five minutes later, Gecko Jnr demands Mama Gecko, for a consult! Post games discussion was held, with acknowlegement that 1 hour is too short to accomodate all those walking between tv room and computer room (we live in an end terrace!) to surf for online cheat codes, and not enough time for playing. So, new time management is introduced, and agreed upon. Because Gecko Jnr is allocated 1 hour per day x 7 days = 7 hours, he's allowed full authority in allocating number of hours per day. Of which, he then proceed downstairs to write his new timetable for GTA as such.

Sun - 2 hours
Mon - 2 hours
Tues - 0
Wed - 0
Thurs- 1 hour
Fri - 1 hour
Sat - 1 hour

And because he's decide to stop playing 10 minute short of an hour today, Gecko Jnr concluded this gives him 2 hours and 10 minutes tomorrow (Monday)

I'm thinking, perhaps good lessons can be derive from this socially incorrect game. Just 2 days ago, we did a mathematical division exercise, trying to work out how long a 7 years old should play on GTA, considering that an 18 years old would probably only play an average of 4 hours, after school till dinner time. As for bad language, we all have fun making up alternative swear words for him to use, like instead of A**H***, we using Diaper Face and Bum Wipe! Instead of "What the heck", we're saying "What the donkey"! This is how I see it. Gecko Jnr only need some words to express his frustration when playing the game, and he doesn't really care what words he's using anyway, so substituition was easy. And lets all admit it, we adults swear too in times of frustrations! It's just life, sn't it?

Project Grand Theft Auto - Am I doing the rght thing???!!

Yesterday I nearly changed my mind about allowing Gecko Jnr to have his GTA game. The night before, he playfully 'play pretend' to stab me with his plastic knife!!!! And of course during the course of the day, on 2 occassions, he said 2 swear words- F*** and Ass****! Needless to say I couldn't sleep the night, worrying and wondering and confused, thinking if I really know what I am doing as a positive, mindful, TCS unschooling mum! Anyhow, I've keep poor tired hubby up till 2pm, talking incessantly, comparing the pros and cons, manically surfing the web for more research articles on violent video games and it's effect on children. Needless to say, i still can't get my answers as the balance is still equal with 2 prominent school of thoughts -

Some think it's bad influence:-
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content2/video.games.html
http://culturalpolicy.uchicago.edu/conf2001/papers/walsh.html

Some said there's no concrete evidence linking violence to violent games exposure:- http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/Most-kids-unaffected-by-violent-games/2007/04/01/1175366055463.html.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4594376.stm

And some articles suggest evidences pointing out that since the introduction of violent video games, the level of violent crimes has drop:-
http://www.avinashv.net/2007/06/23/violence-in-video-games/

Anyhow, eventually hubby managed to convinced me to go to bed, by supplying me with an excellent solution- approach it like a science experiment. A controlled environment whereby son's only to play for a hour a day, and only when chaperone either by mummy or daddy, he can do and say whatever he wants during the game, which is within the tv room. Whatever he wants to do or say, it can be acted out within the tv room, but never, ever outside that room. There will be certain swear words that he's not allowed to say, and of course because we parents are there next to him, this means we can point out the meaning of this bad words, and it's negative social context.

This game comes with a NO Tolerance condition, that is, if he's caught imitating or copying any action or sentences from the game, OUTSIDE the tv room, it'll be a Time Out for the game, which will be banished to the top of the cupboard. He's allowed 20 time outs, of which each will last for 1 week. But the 20th one will be for a year!

I went to bed happy with this solution, but of course when morning comes, I chicken out. Gecko Jnr was up bright and early and bouncing because today was the day he gets to spend his "hard saved" pocket money to buy his "long awaited" ultimate game -Grand Theft Auto! And he's very specific about which one he desire - the Sand Andrea one! He was talking about it non stop and I had to try to break it to him gently that I've changed my mind about allowing this game. At first, he was still bouncing away on his bed, not realising what I was saying. And then, his face turned stunned and he re-iterated what I was saying, in dis-belief. Big tears started to roll! His cries was so devastating that even I started crying, seeing how heart-broken he was. I was totally not expecting this. I was expecting tantrum and some tears, but most definetely not big heart-wrenching sobs, the kind you expect when a pet dies or when a love affair ends.

Anyhow, eventually he calmed down enough to ask for my explaining why i changed my mind. I explained about my worries about him imitating the game, about how we have to constantly remind him to stop copying the game and how we believe this parenting action is not good because it's only natural for a 7 years old to be imitating what they see, because that's how they learn. So i explained how our actions as wise adults, constantly and automatically reprimanding him to stop copying the game, can make him feel like he's a bad boy, which is not something I want, because we know he's not bad but a good and kind and gentle boy. And I explain our concerns about his ability in defferentiating between fantasy and reality.

Now, I have to admit that Gecko Jnr can be quite mature for his age, and is capable of understanding alot of things most of the times. He said he truly understood what we're saying, but then that we're not being fair because it's what we're thinking, and not what he's thinking (his way of saying our decision was biased), and he's offered some opinion on his thoughts and his needs for GTA. So he's managed to convinced me that I should maybe, at least, give him a chance to prove himself.

And we did. Eventually my decision is based on our knowledge of our son's intrisic learning spirit, of how he'll drown himself in his current obsession and eventually detox it out of his system. And also i believe in that Forbidden Fruit teory, of how if we ban this game, we are actually elevating it to that Forbidden Fruit Status. This decision is also made based on the fact i know my son's fascination with this game is primarily due to the various cars he can drive around freely, without any hindrance. The violent bit is really secondary, as he informed me that "it's just a waste of time because you don't get alot of money for that. You'll have to crash cars or do stunts to get alot of money". This is in-line with his current understanding of the power of money, that you can buy lots of things if you have money.

So again, my decision is based on my confidence that my son sees this game as purely just another shooting, crashing, money collecting game, no more violent than his Star Wars Lego or Simpsons game. The only difference is that in GTA, the places and characters is more realistic and graphic, and that the game is so much more complex, with more roads and place to explore. A setting to learn bad social behaviour? Well, for me, most definetely a setting to teach my kid everything that's bad, wrong and evil!

So we ventured out to town to buy his GTA game.

Thursday 23 August 2007

Project Grand Theft Auto

Gecko Junior has decided that he wanted Grand Theft Auto for his birthday. And he's being going on and on about it for ages now. This is because The Grand Theft Auto was the game on my friend's 13 years old teenage son's brand new PSP, last Christmas! And of course Gecko Jnr was only allowed that brief few minutes on it and he's hooked, obsessed with this Forbidden Fruit ever since! Mind you, not exactly something any parent would want to buy a 7 years old......but really I can't see how we can go round this latest obsession of his other than to go with it, let him binge on it and detox it out of his system. Which I think he will. I can only draw faith and confidence from the previous situation whereby he'll be stuck with whatever game of the moment, every waking moment and then one day, he'll just play with it for a few minutes, realised it's boring, get up and switch that PS2 off and wander off in a different direction, looking for something new to do. In all these situations, he always ends up back to his trains and lego men.

So you see, there is a pattern to be seen here and it's always the same. Just like with his first Star Wars movie, his first Lego set, his first train set, his PS2, his first his Lego Star Wars game, and currently, the soon to be ousted Simpsons Game.

So now that I'm speed reading thru Gerrard Jones : Killing Monsters, Why children need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make Believe Violence, I have managed to absorb a few advocating pointers, enough to sum up courage to say "Yes, you can buy it when you have enough pocket money, and you're only allowed to play with it, only if either me or daddy is sitting next to you, and that you can only play for 40 minutes"

And since then, it's almost like he's been given the green light, and the binge is already starting. He's surfing YouTube for Grand Theft Auto movies. My son likes to refer to YouTUbe for any of his obsession, it's like him doing his research for his project, which is why I've took to naming this post Project Grand Theft Auto. And also when he gets his game, he'll be "re-searching" the internet for cheat codes!

But this time it's different for me. This is not Lego or trains we're talking about, which he can safely got about it on his own, with me nearby. This is about an age 18+ graded game and this time he'll definitely needs a chaperone. Which is why I'll be batch cooking over the next few weekendz so that I don't have to worry about cooking during the week, and also i'm mentally preparing myself for all those "i don't want to go to the park" behaviour! This means I'll be sitting and watching and playing Grand Theft Auto for the next few months to come too!!

Back to YouTube. I was really surprised that some of these movies is really good, there is one of Lego Grand Theft Auto too, loads of storyline wthout any gory shooting or stabbing, but some is just pure nasty and bloody, makes me wonder what goes thru it's creator's mind. Quite a few is actually all just about cars and driving around. It just seems to me that these young movie makers is using the sceneries, cars, characters and animation to facilitate the story that they want to tell, just like they used Lego men before. And you can tell that they are honing their movie making skill as they progress along. One of the movie we saw this morning was depicting this guy, who made tons of money, showing off his big house with all those little details like expensive paintings, showing off his swimming pool, showing off his massive garden, so huge that he actually got lost in the maze before he found his way to his garage, parked full with lots of sports car. It was like a documentary of some rich and famous but I was really amazed with all the effort and attention paid to details to make this movie a really entertaining one. And of course, my son enjoyed it every bit too, especially when it came to the garage, whereby Gecko Jnr was naming each and every car there was in that garage! From Ferrari to the Lamborghini. So well I can at least understand his need for this game, as the Simpson's selection of cars is quite limiting and his interest in cars just a few weeks ago was limited to our local public carpark. He was asking tons of questions about how do we know which car is which, and we then spend 10 minutes walking round the public carpark, looking at the cars parked there and it's badges.

"But in Grand Theft Auto, you get really really fast cars and they all have spoilers" commented Gecko Jnr.

Need I say more!

Tuesday 14 August 2007

HEing, a pro-active or re-active decision?

This is what I am thinking.

With all theses nasty consultations imposed left, right and centre, and more radio interviews on HE gathering momentum; protraying a more positive image of our secretive and mythical HE world is even more crucial than ever. The public probably think we're all 'middle class' (Tony Mooney's doing!), being delusional in thinking we're educating our children in the best way, when in fact, we're only capable of churning out 'laughable quality'. To anyone who's never been near a living and breathing HE family, we must be like a cult-like community. Exist, but not seen, heard of, but not spoken of. They probably think we have green horns, heads full of snakes(or rather lice), live in labyrinth, and we congregate during the full moon LOL!

And every so often, some lucky 'common' folks get a sighting of such an elusive HE Family and if they'll give their “common mind” a rest, they'll see that we are ordinary people (or rather extra-ordinary, which is what divides us and them), and intelligent (that we are and we shouldn’t be ashamed to advertise it!), who've just decided that we ain't going to follow the pack! That we're straying away because we can see the light! And if they are any smarter, they'll follow suit too!(Last laugh on them??!! Ha Ha Ha!)

Most of the decisions to HE are generally a "re-active one, a last resort, against the school failings". Undeniable fact. But it also seems, it’s a “majority working class” thing, and that also means you don't have much options and brains, according to Mr Mooney, to educate to an acceptable standard, and I’m sure he’s not the only one of this belief! But we know this is not true, as we are aware there are families de-regging their kids from private school. And that a lot of HE parents either have diplomas or a Uni degree and quite a lot of us used to be high income earners. And you don’t become a high income earner by having no brains! Just because we go round in scruff jeans and T shirts doesn’t mean we’re un-educated!

I can't help but think maybe we should start thinking about how to portray HEing in a more pro-active light. Isn’t it possible, that for some of us, HEing is a lifestyle decision instead of a ‘rescue mission’ from school?

Currently with all these - Open University, Internet, etc; HEing is a very viable path to education, and should be highlighted as so. Some of us did made a very Pro-active decision to HE because we want to - not because we're forced to- again should be highlighted as so!

No dis-respect intended here as I’m aware some families really had to, simply because they had no choice. But there are also some families who has chosen to HE simply because they are aware that they are legally allowed to and choose to exercise that right, like my family.

So is HEing really all about re-active decisions ? Are we saying that if the school were any better, we wouldn’t even consider doing homeschooling in the first place? And that should schools get their act back together, we’ll consider sending our children back to school? I’m thinking NO.

Could it not be possible that HEing is a subconcious pro-active decision? That our decision to HE is not an act of desperation but merely just the catalyst of our thoughts and beliefs in how life should be. Especially now when all of us are so aware of positive parenting, organic living, green environment, fresh air and country life – basically just trying to have a more wholesome family life. HEing is just another piece of the jigsaw. When I think back to our decision to de-reg our son, his unhappiness about school served ONLY as the catalyst that helped us cement our beliefs that HE is the only way ahead to provide him with the 'edge' when he grows up (I'm sorry if I'm beginning to sound like a pushy mum now, but I assure you I'm not, I'm more of a mushy mum in reality, but it's an undeniable fact that to get a job nowadays, you have to 'stand out' from the crowd!). This is how me and hubby see it. We Humans went from no education, to self education (HE), from small classrooms, to private schooling for the rich, to mass schooling for every citizen. We believe that education has evolved again and now needs a new direction. And that our decision was not a last resort, but is based on our beliefs that mass education has lost it's effectiveness, so we’ve moved onto a different path. And that our son will benefit greatly from the HE approach through out his life. Even better because it’s a legal alternative.

We're talking of a totally different way of living and educating our children. Call it Holistic, call it New Wave, call it anything but the fact of the matter is, it is a viable way of giving our children a head start, gives them time to grow and develop a confident mind as a foundation, which in turn, an opportunity to shine out from the crowd, not just in the work arena but also in life! Isn't this already obvious with our HEed kids nowadays??!! The mind is a very powerful thing, and a very difficult thing to control, never mind teach it! To make it listen, first you'll have to earn it's respect. You can’t tune it up like a car engine, but you can convince it to bend to your will!

HEing is another viable path, other than mass schooling. As many young parents are now even consciously deciding to not even start playschool, which I suppose is based on their own bad school experience. But it's not that they should be seen as they are afraid for their child, not at all, in fact I can see they've learnt and are now wiser and has the experience to weighed their options properly, and decided that HEing is a more effective choice for their child.

So I’m thinking wouldn't it be a good PR angle to stop focusing on school failings as a common reason to HE but highlight instead that HEing is a viable choice, on it's own merits? (I am thinking far ahead or is it just me being my delusional self?)


I would like to think that our choice for our son is more of a Pro-Active one ,considering that the last school was not a bad school, but rather we didn't want to progress down that path anymore, because it’s not the type of lifestyle he wants. I would say our decision is not a re-active one because we didn't HE because we have no choice. We did have the choice to allow our son to continue school, or if it didn't work out, search for another school or even a private school. But we decided we are going to do even better, we're gonna provide him with his own tailor made education.

So the question is, was your's a Pro-active or Re-active decision?

Monday 13 August 2007

It's a good day to just watch tv!

This will be my first post. I'm actually not too sure if I'm able to maintain this regularly but however, i do realised that this can serve as a very good logbook for all our HEing activity. It'll be interesting to be reading this, one year from now. Plus I did notice I seems to have a bad habit of spending hours replying to just 1 post in some HEing forum. Simply because I would have started my post by responding to their concerns, but somehow ended up rattling on and on and on about something that I've discovered during one of my Eureka moment, and eventually realised I've gone off topic, and will then have to spend the next hour editing down my reply, as accurately as I can! How frustrating!!! So this lead me to thinking, perhaps I should exercise that need of mine, by blogging.

Well, a little bit of introduction to start off with. I'm a 36 years old fulltime mum, HEing soon to be 7 years old son, Gecko Jnr. Son's has been to school but was de-reg after the 1st term of Year One. We're kinda eclectic unschooling, meaning Mama Gecko(me) like the idea of the Classical Education Philosophy, is using that as kinda of rough guideline for our learning, but really I think we're also abit of a radical un-schooling sort of set up, which means lots of child led activities, lots of "Yes, why not" situation; lots and lots of discussion and interaction; watching tv and playing PS2; lots of online games. Lots of story reading which is strictly during bedtimes only, as per Gecko Jnr's preferance. And we are totally writing and workbook free family.

Every now and then, even autonomous me do come across a situation whereby it's SOOoooooo.... difficult to say yes! This is where I then goes on my fact finding mission with loads of reading, loads of posting for help. I then needs to do some ironing, with my old Karrin Allison French cd in the background(somehow, not understanding what she's purring about makes it so calming!) and soon my brain will be thinking! And that Eureka moment will come.

So who knows, maybe somebody, someday might think that some of my philosophy actually does make sense. Like I always say, there's always a method in this HEing madness of ours! We just have to find it!

Thanks for reading.