Is there such a thing as A Good Meltdown?

An unschooling mum wrote this in one of my unschooling list.

"As much as I hate to admit this, I do still find it difficult
sometimes to support him as wholeheartedly when surrounded by adults
who see his behaviour as wrong or anti-social or inappropriate, even
when I know it is perfectly appropriate for him and I see that he is
developing into a more capable, happier person"
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To me, all kids go into meltdowns of tears and tantrums. But perhaps our aspie kids do it more frequently and intensely. Yes, sometimes, no matter how patient we are, other people's judgement can get to us.

Despite our best intention to avoiding such scene, it is still part of life, for we cannot isolate ourselves completely! It is still part of our child's learning mechanism, these meltdowns- it is merely an alarm of senses overload. What overloads them, we cannot be for sure everytime. But at least I know my son's mind is practising "coping" defenses.

I've learnt to do this. Immediately 100% attention on my son, and blank out everything around us.

I'll just stay focus on embracing him in my arms (sometimes arms flaying, wild eyed and shouting and all) lots of back strokes and gentle re-assuring murmurings of "it's ok, hush...sh". I have to allow the emotions to flush thru his system, for once opened, the emotional flood gates cannot be shut.

The tears is another stress releasing mechanism. Sometimes, it's big heart renching tears. Sometimes it's angry tears!!. And sometimes, it's all about frustrations. But he will calm down and have a chat about it. But it's when he says "it's ok mum, I'm fine now" and acknowledge that it was just him repeating the same old mistake again, I knew we're not far away from having 1 less meltdown.

It is all about providing him a safe environment to "meltdown", without any attacks from anyone or anything!!. And one day, he'll learn to control and not overshot that threshold again! Yes, it seems now that we're unschooling and perhaps he is growing up, the meltdowns are getting lesser.

You'll be surprise that when you exhibit such strong nurturing body language, the people around you will either ignore you because thier sense tells them that "the problem is being attented to and it's non of thier concern". You might get the occasional few gentle souls who wish to join in the fuss LOL! and contribute thier "love and empathy", especially old ladies.

But very rarely anyone would want to interupt such an intimate moment, if anything, they mostly walk past respectfully.

I find that people are ready to join in a "I told you so" reprimanding session, whether by snide remarks or body language. But because the human senses is programmed to response to distress signs, like a child crying or getting out of control, their senses is telling them that something is wrong. Hence I believe, if people is sensing our escalating stress in trying to calm our child, they will feel the need to "help us get the situation under control". They will even feel the "need to take over" by telling us what to do, especially when they assume we are losing control over our child because our child is responding even more loudly to all these negative vibes.

The only way I can stop my body language vibrating such negative signals, "inviting all unwanted help" is to shut-down by huddling up to my child. I don't think of anything, but focus on that moment. For I understood that the meltdown is a result of my child's mind reaching a threshold- an achievement, a celebration, a positive thing to happen (of course i would have prefer it to happen in the comfort of our home LOL). I understood and accept that "For every meltdown, there is progress" Hence my body language is exhibiting positive signal "everything is ok and under control". Bearing in mind that my sensitive child is also picking up these signals up too.

My child do regress, either before a big leap forward, or after a good few months of progress- 2 steps back for every step forward. Then perhaps his meltdown is just another step backwards, before he makes that step forward. I see this as his mind practising to cope.

So, yes, I do think my son's meltdowns are good. Meltdowns are so good that I do occasionally treat myself to one, like yesterday night LOL!! I meltdowned by submitting to a black, self pitying, foul mood and started lecturing son about his self-centered, selfish and complaining attitude, that I'm so fed-up, I'm going to bed NOW and watch Mulan on the laptop. Needless to say, son soon joined me in bed, and cuddled up as we watched the behind the scenes of the making of Mulan. He apologised for making me feel so sad, and I apologised for being angry at him. We made up by promising each other that we'll try to be nicer to each other.