Unschooling an aspie kid.

It's coming to 3 years of unschooling Junior and...we've been thru alot. When it comes to asperger, I can see that as much as Junior is very capable of mature reasoning and self directed learning...he is also very prone to childish logic.


To how i observed...Junior is a 9 years old with an emotional capacity of a 5 years old. He is still snuggling my chest for comfort...to a point sometimes grabbing my breast in public! On a bad day, he is so nervous that he can't go wee or anywhere...without me standing by his side. So, on a "down day" Jnr is a fulltime job...from helping him finish his meal to accompanying him everywhere in the house because he is too nervous to be alone....to helping him calm down enough to switch off at bedtime by scrathing AND reading to him so he can fall asleep. It is days like these that no one seems to understand how limiting an asperger child's world is....how tiring it is caring for an asperger child....simply because other people don't live thru it...hence just cannot comprehend the possibility of a 24/7 cling-on 9 years old.


Junior is capable of GCSE's level work. I use the word "capable" is because... we are aware Junior is capable of understanding GCSE's level of work tho we don't do any of them. It is the occasional "Eureka HEing" moments that he comes up to me and discussed certain things. It is his Eureka moment....when certain concept clicked with his brain.

He's been reading lots of wikipedia...it is his new favourite "thing" to do. So far, to my knowledge... he's been reading about cars history and locations, history of fast food (KFC in particular) and coffins.


We've been doing lots. We've been learning Malay language and Junior is picking up conversational Malay rather well. We're learning about the nature of tropical climates, comparing the 4 seasons in UK, to the year long summer weather in Asia.


He's also playing on both Toontown and Runescape simultaneously.


Junior is showing us that he is learning lots despite us parents not telling him what to do. He has shown plenty of signs of maturity and responsibility...like helping his little cousin with her games by reading games instructions for her, helping her do her maths homework LOL and many more!! He brought up and we discussed about "working for a living" and what job would he like to do when he grows up. So it does seems like my kid IS growing up fine and dandy...just by living his life the way he deemed fit.

Well, I summarised our unschooling journey so far to be happy, satisfying and still "the best decision ever" we've ever made as parents.

Making autism ‘normal’ won’t help my son...

Making autism ‘normal’ won’t help my son. It may reduce the stigma but it trivialises the learning difficulties and isolation sufferers endureMichael Fitzpatrick


In the 15 years since autism was diagnosed in our son James, the public status of the condition has changed dramatically. In the early 1990s autism was still regarded as a rare and obscure disorder, associated with “mental handicap” or “retardation” and life-long institutional care. Today autism seems to be everywhere. It has become a common, even fashionable condition, linked to talent and creativity or simply making people interestingly different. But the fact that everybody now talks about autism does not make life any easier for people affected by it.

The higher profile of autism cannot be attributed to scientific advances. Though there have been impressive developments in our understanding of the genetics and psychological features of autism, neuroscience has yet to make much headway in elucidating the mediating links — or in suggesting therapeutic interventions. The increased awareness and wider diagnosis of autism appear to be largely the result of a cultural trend towards redefining human differences in terms of disorder. The question we now face, as James embarks on the transition to adult life, is: have things really improved for people with autism?

There can be no doubt that in many ways we have made progress. Parents are no longer blamed for making their children autistic through their frigid personalities, as they were as result of influential psychodynamic theories in the postwar decades. Behavioural and educational programmes have been developed for children at home and at school, though access to these remains uneven. And though there is much talk of provision for adults, including help with housing and employment, the reality remains one of a constant struggle for services.

On the other hand, the apparent upsurge in the prevalence of autism has provoked the notion of an autism “epidemic”, fostering fears and anxieties that provide a fertile terrain for irrational theories. These include the idea that autism is the result of demonic possession (as popularised in the book and film Horse Boy) or, in a modernised version of the same atavistic prejudice, that it is caused by vaccines or some unknown environmental toxin. The depiction of people with autism as “dead souls” or “metabolic train wrecks” — both familiar themes of the “unorthodox biomedical” movement — is disparaging and dehumanising. Rogue scientists and unorthodox practitioners, together with credulous journalists and celebrity parents, have all helped to promote these theories and the associated therapies, which they claim can produce miracle cures and “recovery” from autism. Desperate parents have become customers in a multimillion-dollar global enterprise.

The cultural fascination with autism is reflected in the plethora of films, novels and soaps featuring autistic characters. Yet, with some notable exceptions, such as Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time or the Australian film The Black Balloon, popular depictions of autism tend to be voyeuristic or sentimental. Autism seems to offer endless scope as a metaphor for the discussion of contemporary anxieties about masculinity, fatherhood, the family. Reflecting on the “outlandish, offensive” misrepresentations of autism in film, writer Stuart Murray (also the parent of an autistic child) concludes that “overall, it is debatable how much progress has been made in cinematic depictions of autism since the foundational success of Rain Man”.

The concept of the autistic spectrum, including people with Asperger’s syndrome and “high-functioning” autism as well as those with “classic” autism, who usually have severe learning difficulties and more profound social and behavioural problems, has helped to reduce the marginalisation of people with autism. But the tendency to label as autistic every computer geek and eccentric scientist, and every obsessive train-spotter and stamp-collector (compounded by the vogue for identifying historical figures and even contemporary celebrities as autistic) carries the danger that the spectrum becomes stretched so wide that autism loses its distinctiveness.

“Normalising” autism may reduce stigma, but at the risk of trivialising the problems of those with more severe learning difficulties and also of underestimating the extreme aloneness that results from the social impairment of autism, even in higher-functioning individuals.

When James was found to be autistic, as a GP I knew virtually nothing about it. Recently a woman at the supermarket checkout, noticing his odd behaviour, asked if he had Tourette’s syndrome (familiar from Shameless and Big Brother). Yet, though everybody now knows the labels, the prospect of continuing high unemployment and public spending cuts mean an uncertain future for people with autism. The National Autistic Society has sponsored a campaign to increase awareness of adults with autism — but it remains unclear whether resources will be provided to meet the needs that are identified. The “autism angle” may provide publicity for the new Sherlock Holmes film or for the sequel to The Phantom of the Opera, but for families like ours the struggle is set to continue.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/guest_contributors/article6870232.ece

Michael Fitzpatrick is a London GP. He is speaking at the Battle of Ideas satellite debate, Age of Autism: Rethinking “Normal”, at Foyles Charing Cross Road, London

We're into fast cars.

The month of June had been really full on with eating, sleeping and dreaming about cars, cars and more cars.


I was explaining about the benefits of asperger to my mum. I have finally managed to convinced my family that my mum, my brother, my sis and me....we're all on the autistic spectrum. One of the positiveness I pointed out is our narrow obsessions with things. Like me now, my obsession is finding out all info on adult aspgerger.

My son's obsession is finding out all about fast cars. Three weeks ago, he was just only beginning, exploring, gathering info via the library books, the internet and watching Top Gear every morning. This week (week 4), he is a walking encyclopedia on cars. Ask him anything about cars, and he will rattle on and on and on.

He is constantly pointing out the different cars to me as we're driving along. And I have managed to help him tune into his "lessons".

I was given a copy of the ACE curriculum's timetable, with rows for days and subjects for columms (Maths, English, Word Building, Literature and Creative writing, Science, Scial Studies and Bible). I just love the simple and colourful layout. I got hubby to colour copy enough to last for a whole year.

I have taken to printing on the back of the schedule, outlining our lesson philosophy/ framework for the week. I then fill in the individual boxes, translating Jnr's "work"/ discussions/ readings in educationese language.

So for instance, on Monday, I'll penned in:-

* Maths (charts; timing his races, and working out the time differences on each race);
* English (lots of discussions on driving techniques)
* Word building (using lots of new technical words to describe the driving and the condition of the route)
* Literature and Creative writing (tho we didn't do any writing but we are reading alot of books on cars plus working our way thru the DS 1000 Classic Stories every night)
* Science (we're reading and discovering the science of aerodynamics and physics; we're discoering scientific words like momentum, friction, downforce, gravity and many more)
* Social Studies (geography and history of car invention, manufacturing and racing history)

Anything new covered, will be scribble down too on the back by the end of the day. This way, I find, I won't forget...and I will always have a record of his "lessons" should I need it.

Unschooling Food, Money and Personal Hygiene.

This is cross my mind this morning and I had to share it. Hopefully it'll bring
some comfort and possibility to some on this list.


FOOD.
-----

Well, the philosophy still stands. If we buy it, then I have to be prepared to
let him eat it all, at any rate he wants. Tho I don't stop him from eating it
all at one go, I do suggest to Greg perhaps after 2 bags of crisps, allow space
for dinner and finish off the 3rd bag or 4th bag afterwards. Or keep it for his
midnight snack. This normally works, the idea of having something to munch on at
11pm before bed, seems to entice him enough to stop at bag no 2.

So, the past 2 weeks, Greg's been buying and eating crisps for breakfast (before
his regular breakkie), lunch (before his regualar lunch), have his regualr
dinner and crisps for midnight snack.


Chewing gumn is another fix he is hooked on. And those aspartame do kick off his
hyper activeness. We're very sure of this becoz we know Haribo gummies don't,
chewy sweeties like Fruitella don't, sugar lumps don't but give him a sugar free
gum, you'll see his senses heightened and give him another, Greg is be
absolutely buzzing like a busy, busy bee!! LOL!!

But again, if he buys a box of chewing gum, I am fully prepared to let him
finish it at his pace. As always, I will suggest that if he has too much, he'll
be "aspie drunk". It is Greg's choice to whether lose himself into such state or
remain "sober" of which he's now discovered a choice of jaw compression
actitivities he can indulge in - Haribo Starmix or Knex sticks (the rubberised
bendy Knew stickes from his beginner Knex set) Greg has tld me that it calms him
down when chewing on these 2 things. But he has yet to share what do his aspie
drunk do for him.


Aspie drunk is what me and Greg refer to that feeling of "losing control his
brain (I recognisegd it as impulsiveness)and feeling like wanting to do lots of
things (I recognised it as erratic behaviour)"

In short, HYPER ACTIVENESS.

I do explain Greg my perspective of him during his aspie drunkness, and he
explains his internal emotional perspective to me. We reckon it is no different
to how a person will behave when drunk. Losing control and senses of one's
judgement and balance...hence the word "aspie drunk" becoz we refer to these
behaviours as part of his aspieness.

So yesterday, he's decided not to touch his box of chewing gums, but instead
chewed on a new Knex stick.



Personal Hygiene
----------------

Greg hates showers and brushing his teeth, just as much as any other aspie kid.
But he doesn it, with much moans and groans and complains. I cannot say we're
unschooling in this department but showering and brushing teeth is definetely a
non negotiable issue. But what I do is I am constantly explaining to him why we
need to do it.

We talked about how important his new teeth is for it's meant to last him a
lifetime. We talked about how important fresh breath becoz it doesn't turn
people off when we talk to them. Bad breath can gives people a wrong impression
that we're dirty, which we're not (and he very quickly points out that he
showers everyday! LOL!) And I do re-inforce the idea of "bad breath turning
people off" by deliberately not brushing at night, and eat something stinky
before bed like cheese, and talk to him closely first thing in the morning
before brushing my teeth. Most definetely do the trick about turning Greg off
LOL!!

To support his sensory needs, we do try lots of different tooth brushes, for the
fun of it. He's settled for an electric one which he alternates with a regular
one. We alos experiment with lots of different tooth paste and chance upon an
organic one which is a smooth trasnparent gel instead of the white gritty paste.
For me, this gel like consistency takes some geting use to , it's like baby
tooth paste but a minty version. In the end, we edned up with 2 toothpaste, the
white gritty one for us, and gel tothpaste for Greg.


He stills moans everyday, asking why should he shower when he showered the night
before. I still tells him, it is his choice, either shower, then he can snuggle
next to me in OUR bed, or don't shower and he can sleep and deposit all his
"germs and gritty sand particles" that he collected during his daytime charging
arond playing.....ON HIS OWN BED, next door in his OWN room. NOT IN MY BED.

And very often, once he is in the shower, he forgets about his moans and very
happily plugs in the bath plug and wil be playing away for the next half hour. I
do buy lots of bath toys. We have multi coloured bath bombs. We have a huge
basket full of toys, syphoning tools, measuring cups, toys syringes. I am
looking for some bath coloured tablet in the shops...I saw some crayola ones,
once a upon a time but can't find it now. I do hate shopping online but looks
like I have no choice.


MONEY
-----

To how i understand from an teenage aspie support forum, it seems like aspie
kids commonly has no sense of budgetting. They either blow the whole lump sum in
one go and moan for the rest of the month till the next payday, or some of them
have no cpmprehension of money and never spends any at all (tho this is a
minority)


My kid is the spend everything and moan forever type LOL!!


He will blow his whole £20 (plus any loose change that his dad gave him every
evening) on one thing...and then realised he's now broke. And then start wishing
he hadn't blown the whole lump sum on "this toy" (which he now decides is sucha
waste of money!)

And then he'll spend the rest of his afternoon, picking at the new toy's fault,
justifying how it is not worth the amount of money he's paid for it. And then
the next few days will see him adding salt to his own wound by goin on the
internet, checking out all those other toys that he could have bought, or how he
could have 5 different toys instead of just spending it on ONE. Then he
degenerates into a lump of self pity and keep saying what a stupid decision it
was to buy "THAT so not worth it's price TOY", eventually, starts calling
himself stupid for not thinking properly.

Then he'll start asking, what can he do to get extra pocket money. I points out
that his egg runs gives him generally £3 of profit. He thinks it is not enough.
Then he suggest car wash, which I agree to, but he''ll want to do it now (many
times, this is at some silly timing like bedtime or when we're on the way to
somewhere. Any suggestion to do it tommorrow morning is declined)

Then he'll start declining if I offer to pay him small money if he helps with
the laundry, or helped pick up his toys, for really, we don't have many things
that he can do, just so to earn extra money.
And he wants BIG money, not small money that he'll have to save up to form a
decent amount.

And this circumstances repeats itself every month.

Two days ago, we're in the mall. As always, Greg is moaning about how broke he
is, how he is unable to buy anything despite me offering to give him £2 to
spend. I am beginning to think how spoilt my child is!!! And I really can't face
this dilemma anymore.


So, I've decided. Instead of me paying for his food and drink and all. He's to
pay for it himself. I'm giving him £10 everytime we're out and about. He's to
pay for his half of his share. He's to pay for his meal, half the parking fees
and petrol which works out to be roughly about £5 average. I worked it out, that
the balance £5 should eseesntially buy him either a decent toy, maybe with
balance left over, which can be save for next trip or he might decided to blow
it all on a 2nd toy. Or if we're near a games arcade, he should be able to play
a game or 2.

All in all, theoratically, Greg should be able to feel fulfilled, and happy, and
in control over his own budget. And still not feel sad and despair over his
decisions, becuase there will be another £10 coming his way when we next go out
again. Hopefully, this will teach him a better sense of budget.

With Greg sense of "big money", he might surprise me by not spending his 2nd
half of the £5, but to use it just for the sake of buying something, but to save
it for a more desired toy in the future.


So, how's everyone getting on with thier aspie journey?


BWS
SharonBugs.

Rubber Gym Ball and Earphones

Finding out about Jnr's sensory issues was such a blessing. For the first time in our lives, we could see Jnr seizing back control over his impulsiveness. He no longers complains about having no control over his brain. Doing things he knows not to, but yet cannot stop himself. Or crying in anguish about having an evil brain inside him, egging him on.


The past 2 weeks have been nonstop busy busy busy. It is almost like Jnr's suddenly got switched on inside. Supporting him with all my knowledge and understanding of therapies, I see my son growing and expanding his world, rapidly. He can focus now. He wants to do things that he never used to want to do. He wants to socialised, he is keen to do everything. I don't know which part of this is naturally unschooling, or is it because his therapies has calmed him down so much, that he can actually asked for something to do, plan for it, and follow it thru.


Today, I am SO PROUD! We were at the shoe shop and the shop manager asked Jnr why he was not at school. Jnr replied loud, calm and confidently ... "I don't go to school. We're homeschoolers. I do my lessons at home" For the first time, my son was able to answer someone's query, clearly and confidently, without me having to help with words.


Who would have thought, rolling a big rubber gym ball over Jnr, and slipping a pair of earphones over his ears, can make such a huge difference to our lives. And he is very excited and looking forward to practising his writing, when his pencil grip arrives. Everyday, he goes riding on his little canary yellow bicycle, giving him the much need joint compression exercises.


In saying that everything is going swell, Jnr is beginning to show signs of set backs. Maybe, tiredness is finally setting in; or maybe as Jnr always predictably do, for every step forward, he takes 2 step backwards, before pushing forth again.


I have always view my son's regressions as a good sign indicating posititve development going to happen, or sometimes, already happened.


We have always embraced Jnr's diagnosis positively. I think we welcomed it, becoz finally, we have confirmed idea of what we're dealing with. It has made life so much more easier and predictable to a certain degree. We have used it to guide us positively thru all his challenges.


Which is why it gives me a rather rude shock when faced with another mum, who refuses to acknowledge thier child have obvious challenges. Why?


BWS
SharonBugs.

Will they ever get off the gamebox?

The most common fear in parents when dealing with autonomy of the video gaming.

We've all heard about de-schooling, whereby parents are encouraged to allow the child re-discover themselves. No schedule, no lessons, no expectations. Just pure freedom to let themselves go and re-discover thier own intrinsic motivation, without us diverting them off thier natural course.

Well, my story today is about me and my kid's journey of video gaming, so far.

Today, I had the opportunity to say, Yes, they do get off thier butt and ask to do something new. They can and is capable of wanting new things(and not necessary just new video games) and new experiences. They are capable of getting fed-up playing infront of the tv and yearn for a change of scenery.

Gecko Jnr shown me this. On and off in the past 2 years, he will have a glut of video gaming which will last anything between 3 weeks to 3, 4 months or even more.

But then, there will come a day that he's satiated and decided the video games is boring (HORROR!!! I never thought I will ever hear that word- video games, boring!!?? LOL!). This is the time, he'll ask for new experiences.

Last year, he asked for sailing classes and an electric drum. Unfortunately, he is under age, no sailing school will take him in, and as for the drum, we just didn't have the budget.

This year, he asked for fencing classes, which he will be starting this week, and an electric keyboard, which we can afford.

Yesterday, we spent hours infront of his pc, playing his old Tanko construction game, demolishing, building and moving all those diggers, cement tanks and platform trucks around his little Tanko city.

Now, if you make an effort to disregard everything, and just focus on your child even for just 1/2 an hour, you'll realised lessons can be derived from such simple, unscheduled and un-coordinated situation.

Yesterday, Jnr not only paid alot of careful attention planning his city (could be age-related), but he was also very interested in naming all his buildings, in very creative ways. He was doing what is known as "divergent spellings", as described here in Wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spelling#Divergent_spelling

There was Cipperz Fish Monger. I said to him "Chip-pers?" He said, "No mum, it's not spelt CH, it's spelt "Ci", so it's pronounced "Kippers". Good point LOL!

Then there was Padd Lokk, well, I'll let you figure it out what do this shop sells.

We also had the opportunity to discuss and understand the concept of singular and plural as in where the apostrohe stands, before or after the "s", means different quantity.

Then we went out for the afternoon, catching up with friends. We had a great time.

Came home after dinner, Jnr went straight back onto his pc. He started another game called Star Wars Pit Droid Puzzles. It is a game of planning and sorting, ensuring all the tiny multicoloured pit droids (they looked like colourful worker ants)
ends up in the right spot. Kinda like The Lemmings.

Jnr was soon busy clicking away, placing directional signs, syphoning the Pit droids to thier individual colour post, adding in self-spraying paint stations to change the colours of the Pit droids to match the station they are heading to. And so much more.

It was really interesting to observe how his brain works, planning, assessing and implementing his solutions, as his little fingers were tapping away on the keyboard and clicking away at the mouse.

His divergent spelling continues on thru this game. As he progress thru the night, he was saving and labelling his many creations with very creative names, and spellingz.

So, will they ever unstuck themselves from the gamebox?

My answer is, yes they will. If you just be patient, and still continue to offer an array of choices, like foods, drinks, parks, window shopping at the local toy shop or go check out some new games? For you'll never know when will be that day when your offer will seem much more enticing than that boring old game that they have been sitting in front of, for weeks.

A trip to the local pizza place to pick up a pizza for lunch (i know there is such thing as delivery service, but the objective here is to entice them to go stretch thier legs abit and take a break.) A short trip to the local shops to buy a loaf of bread, with a reward of a lolly or ice cream, for everyone needs little incentives to entice them to do something, sometimes.

I am convinced Jnr's interest in fencing classes is from him playing Pirates of the Carribean for weeks. Therefore I can't complain about video gaming for it has helped spawned many new interests, discussions and not forgetting the numerous opportunity and platforms to explain "lessons" to my kid.

Socialising in the 21st century.

It's been exactly 2 years 3 months now since I last view the gamebox as evil, mind numbing and bad for my child.

Ever since the beginning of our homeschooling journey, when Junior opt to deschool via his playstation, I have research the internet for thoughts and opinions, read lots of books and held lots of discussion with Papa Gecko. I am now, a very strong supporter towards gaming as the 21st century tool of learning. My past blogs have mentioned the lessons spawned from just psp games, and I have written about how our children's world will be so technology based, so much so, any screen or gadget is as familiar to them as our microwave is to us.

Now, Junior has asked for an Xbox, simply because it can be connected to the internet, enhancing the experience of his gaming. It is about interaction with many more people will playing your game, or playing the game with another person somewhere in the world. It is actually online community, but this is thru the gamebox, instead of the computer.

This Xbox wanting started when his best friend was given one for Xmas. And eversince then, his best friend has made more friends online and is now more keen on playing and communicating with his new online friends, neglecting Junior in the process.

I can see now how if Junior don't have one, he is effectively being left out, an outcast, separated from the "online playground". Which makes me think, is this how socialising will evolve for our kids?

It is already happening, people are socialising online. With the numerous online community like War Craft, Second Life and Facebook and many more.

I enjoy Facebooking. Now that I'm on the other side of the world from my family and friends, it helps me stay connected to them. I don't feel isolated anymore. I'm always up to speed with everyone's plans and vice versa.

So this is it. Could it be that, to not be able to play Xbox Live online, means that Junior is not part of the social fabric that's being weaved now?

I do think so, well at least when it comes to his best friend. I'm thinking perhap, if they can't meet up in human form, they can still meet up and play together in cyber form, in thier cyber playground, right?

Well, at least for sure, if this social connection is established, it doesn't matter where in the world we are, Junior will still be able to keep his best friend.

As always, Junior is pushing me out of my boundary, kicking me out of my comfort zone, and dragging me into new territory. He's opening my eyes to new perspectives. Just like he did, 2 years 3 months ago.

While I'm supposed to be homeschooling him, it seems like he is unschooling me instead LOL!

Our free online learning resources...

If you're stuck for ideas as to what to do, here's a list of the websites, that we dip in and out, approved by Junior as in "it is exciting and fun enough", worthy enough of his attention.

Some of it is really for my reference.

Maths
-----

http://www.math.com/school/subject1/lessons/S1U1L2GL.html#

http://www.visualmathlearning.com/index.html

http://www.apples4theteacher.com/math.html#geometrygames

http://home-ed.info/Resources/maths_resources.html

Science
-------

http://www.sciencewithme.com/index.php

http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/digger/index.shtml

French
------

http://french.about.com/od/kidsmusic/French_Music_for_Kids.htm


History
-------

http://www.pantheon.org/areas/mythology/

History Timeline, mostly for grown-up reference.
http://www.historyexplorer.net/?World_History_Timeline


General topics
--------------
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/ks2bitesize/games/questionaut/


Yesteday, we did this -
http://www.kidsknowit.com/interactive-educational-movies/free-online-
movies.php?movie=Pirates

It is an animated story about history of pirates, and there's a questionair at the end of it.

And if you still have no clue where to start, and would prefer a curriculum guideline of some sort, here's a good link.

Curriculum with it's objective and purpose explained.

http://www.standards.dfes.gov.uk/schemes3/?view=get

Freedom of Choice to live our lives, the way we deemed fit to.

We've stopped over for a few days at Nottingham at my girlfriend's house for a couple days before continuing forth towards Scotland.

This not only gave us a lovely opportunity to finally catch up with our friends, it also provided Jnr an opportunity to be up close with a dog - a dalmation as big as him, and interestingly, an unexpected insight to how well we've done, unschooling wise.

For a start, we were very pleased to see how comfortable and confident Jnr was with the dog. He was touching, teasing and playing with the dog. I am almost expecting him to roll over with the dog LOL!! 2 years ago, Jnr would have been climbing all over us, trying to get away from the dog. He would have been nervous to a point of panicking.


And then it was the affect Jnr had on my girlfriend. This girlfriend, is married but by choice do not have kids. She was clearly affected by Jnr's very opened directness, confidence of his own decisions and his own freedom in choices.


It was quite amusing to see how my girlfriend is trying very hard to comprehend the sheer "this feels so wrong and unbelievable" fact that my 8 yrs old does what he wants, sleep when he wants, eat when he wants and basically is in control of his life to a large extend.


This incident has basically got me thinking and realised that yes, the backbone of our unschooling philosophy has evolved.

We have started out homeschooling with the objective to learning without school. To learn naturally without boundaries, no schedule and no timetable.

And then we morphed into unschooling. By starting to encourage learning from just living our lives. No co-ercion. Academic learning just happens to be a "by-product" of our daily lives. Like learning to count, ad, subtract, multiply and divide is just another skill Jnr learned from his decisions on how best to spend his pocket money. And now, we even have a DS Brain Training competition going on between him, his dad and me. More maths and spelling trials LOL!!


We encourage any shape or form of self directed interest be it tv, books, video games, the internet or toy purchases and many more. My kid loves toys, every kid does, who doesn't? Even i love toys.

Everything is a Yes and a Possibility.

Every toy or new game, online subscription or trip is a possible Yes to Jnr. It's just a question of how and when. This allows Jnr to understand that every toy he wants is possible, and have the confidence that he will get it, and to use his own mind and skills to analyse and deduce the available resources to match that thought process from "thinking, to wanting to achieving that object of desire". This gives substance to that "waiting period", giving it more reasons and sense, making it less painful.

The saying "when there's a will, there's a way" applies here.


Learning with no boundaries. Because time is no longer a concept applicable to our lives, because we choose not to have it. Therefore Jnr is not bound by any time frame to finish or accomplish any activities or projects. This has allowed him to "buzz" like a busy bee between projects of his choice. Some big, some small, some is accomplishes within half an hour, and some is a constant headache and is constantly put on the back burner, brought out only when he's got a better theory.

But nevertheless, he knows time is plenty, and he has the joyful freedom to allow his mind flow and form, in any direction.


As such, what he is capable of thinking, he is capable of materialising. He knows he is capable of translating his thoughts into it's tangible form because, he knows he has the freedom to progress into any "doing" that he feels is right.


We have realised that because we have relinquish our parental "right to control his life" back to our son, we have allowed him endless opportunity to practice living life, making good decisions, making bad decision, repeating mistakes until he had enough and decide an alternative is required, exhausting his own theories before he's willing to be open to someone else's idea.


No mistake is a bad mistake. It is just sometimes painful, messy and frustrating. But always a lesson in disguise.

All decisions are decisions. It can be a good or as bad as he deem it to be.

But most of all, as we are all individuals and it's a free world, so mummy, daddy and Jnr is entitled to thier "very own" opinion, which is entirely acceptable and perfectly ok. He just have to learn to argue his case convincingly to mummy and daddy, and I have to say, he is beginning to show very good debating skills and is beginning to win us over, more and more now LOL!!!

Over the past 2 years, he has become a very well informed, focus, comfortable, confident boy, aware and wise about the world around him.

Which explains why he has no concern or apprehension stating to my girlfriend that he doesn't need to sleep yet because his mind is too busy completing his game on his DS LOL!!

Yes, I am convinced that Freedom of Choice is a good platform for my son to approach life.

On the Trail of Ancient China

Jnr has a strong fascination with the late Empress Dowager Tsu Hzi. After much rooting around on the internet, this is what we found.

We found a whole series of documentary on the Forbidden City and it's long line of Emperors and Empress.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCefoa3CFUQ&feature=related

Searching for a sport activity.

I'm trying to get a sporting activity that we as a family can do together.

Today we've went kite-ing. Papa borrowed a kite off his office mate, off we went to the local kite-ing hill. Jnr's not very happy today, and was moaning all the way as we make our way to the top of the hill. But he was enthusiatic enough tho, to go running over towards the horizon to see what's over there.

Anyway, found a sppt we liked, and after much un-tangling and laying out of the kite, we're ready and Jnr's kinda gone bored with it already, even before we started. The wind was not blowing at all, but the occasional breeze was enough to get the kite up and swooping and crashing to the ground. We met 13 years old Khalid. He was also kite-ing, and he help us by showing us how to do it. He was a very helpful and informative young man.

After a few chase after his dad, Jnr gave up and slump to the lovely soft grass and just lay there, slumbering on the ground. He was complaining about a pain on his calf, so me and Papa ended up piggy backing him all the way back to the car, which was a rather long way, and Jnr's grown over the summer and is no longer tiny and light anymore.

Well at least we've accomplished something today. We've tried kite-ing and decided it's not it. Next time, we'll try golfing. Jnr has consistently stuck with golfing, so maybe it's time we take him seriously and buy him a proper golf set and take him onto the golf course.

On the way home, Jnr complained about feeling bored. I do agree, I am feeling bored too. Time for some new interest but what?

Is there such a thing as A Good Meltdown?

An unschooling mum wrote this in one of my unschooling list.

"As much as I hate to admit this, I do still find it difficult
sometimes to support him as wholeheartedly when surrounded by adults
who see his behaviour as wrong or anti-social or inappropriate, even
when I know it is perfectly appropriate for him and I see that he is
developing into a more capable, happier person"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To me, all kids go into meltdowns of tears and tantrums. But perhaps our aspie kids do it more frequently and intensely. Yes, sometimes, no matter how patient we are, other people's judgement can get to us.

Despite our best intention to avoiding such scene, it is still part of life, for we cannot isolate ourselves completely! It is still part of our child's learning mechanism, these meltdowns- it is merely an alarm of senses overload. What overloads them, we cannot be for sure everytime. But at least I know my son's mind is practising "coping" defenses.

I've learnt to do this. Immediately 100% attention on my son, and blank out everything around us.

I'll just stay focus on embracing him in my arms (sometimes arms flaying, wild eyed and shouting and all) lots of back strokes and gentle re-assuring murmurings of "it's ok, hush...sh". I have to allow the emotions to flush thru his system, for once opened, the emotional flood gates cannot be shut.

The tears is another stress releasing mechanism. Sometimes, it's big heart renching tears. Sometimes it's angry tears!!. And sometimes, it's all about frustrations. But he will calm down and have a chat about it. But it's when he says "it's ok mum, I'm fine now" and acknowledge that it was just him repeating the same old mistake again, I knew we're not far away from having 1 less meltdown.

It is all about providing him a safe environment to "meltdown", without any attacks from anyone or anything!!. And one day, he'll learn to control and not overshot that threshold again! Yes, it seems now that we're unschooling and perhaps he is growing up, the meltdowns are getting lesser.

You'll be surprise that when you exhibit such strong nurturing body language, the people around you will either ignore you because thier sense tells them that "the problem is being attented to and it's non of thier concern". You might get the occasional few gentle souls who wish to join in the fuss LOL! and contribute thier "love and empathy", especially old ladies.

But very rarely anyone would want to interupt such an intimate moment, if anything, they mostly walk past respectfully.

I find that people are ready to join in a "I told you so" reprimanding session, whether by snide remarks or body language. But because the human senses is programmed to response to distress signs, like a child crying or getting out of control, their senses is telling them that something is wrong. Hence I believe, if people is sensing our escalating stress in trying to calm our child, they will feel the need to "help us get the situation under control". They will even feel the "need to take over" by telling us what to do, especially when they assume we are losing control over our child because our child is responding even more loudly to all these negative vibes.

The only way I can stop my body language vibrating such negative signals, "inviting all unwanted help" is to shut-down by huddling up to my child. I don't think of anything, but focus on that moment. For I understood that the meltdown is a result of my child's mind reaching a threshold- an achievement, a celebration, a positive thing to happen (of course i would have prefer it to happen in the comfort of our home LOL). I understood and accept that "For every meltdown, there is progress" Hence my body language is exhibiting positive signal "everything is ok and under control". Bearing in mind that my sensitive child is also picking up these signals up too.

My child do regress, either before a big leap forward, or after a good few months of progress- 2 steps back for every step forward. Then perhaps his meltdown is just another step backwards, before he makes that step forward. I see this as his mind practising to cope.

So, yes, I do think my son's meltdowns are good. Meltdowns are so good that I do occasionally treat myself to one, like yesterday night LOL!! I meltdowned by submitting to a black, self pitying, foul mood and started lecturing son about his self-centered, selfish and complaining attitude, that I'm so fed-up, I'm going to bed NOW and watch Mulan on the laptop. Needless to say, son soon joined me in bed, and cuddled up as we watched the behind the scenes of the making of Mulan. He apologised for making me feel so sad, and I apologised for being angry at him. We made up by promising each other that we'll try to be nicer to each other.

Let's Talk Money ...... calculator style!!!

Lately Jnr's into calculators. From counting how much money he'll make in a month to how long more does he has to wait for his birthday. He calculates how much he needs to buy another Lego set, and how much extra he needs for the 2nd set. He calculates how many hours till payday, and he also calculates how much pocket money he would have had when he reaches 18 yrs old. Which subsequently got him depressed because he's thinking How wonderful!! What a huge amount of pocket money! If only he didn't have to wait till he's 18!!LOL!!!!

First, Jnr decided that he were going to work in Tesco where he can make a fortune of GBP800 a month! Then he can buy any toy he wanted!

Then he's decided he will be a toy shop owner. This way he gets to play with all the toys in the shop. He is also gonna be a kind shopkeeper by all childrent to come and play with all the toys in his shop. So we've been discussing about how much it'll cost to set up such a toy shop.

And then, Jnr decided that he'll be a pilot so that he can travel everywhere by his very own small plane. So, lots of saving up to do in order to buy that plane too!!

So as you can see, Jnr's calculator has been very very busy lately.

He also worked out how old he was in terms of hours. Because he reckon if we were to pay him by the hour, he'll be RICH!!! LOL!!

Ah...No, I don't think so LOL!!!

Anyway, Jnr is 24 hrs x 365 days x 7 yrs = 61,320 hours old.

MamaGecko is 332,880 hours old, which really impressed Jnr LOL! And I think I really deserved to be paid by the hour, being a fulltime housekeeper, chef, mother, wife and educator and all! LOL!

Sharks, Mammals and All.

We have safely cruised thru Jnr's obsession and fascination with sharks and killer whales. So far, we've learnt that killer whales are known as Orca, and that sharks are afraid of dolphins because dolphins with it's bulbous nose will attack the shark on it's soft underbelly. And that sharks are fish, because they have gills which explains that they need to continuosly swim in order to flush oxygen laden water thru their gills; and that they drown if they stop swimming- like those that got caught in fishermen nets. Most sharks lay eggs that comes in very interesting shape and sizes, but some sharks do give birth to babies.

Whales and dolphins are mammals because they have lungs, which explains that they come to the surface of water all the time to breathe. Jnr reckon that is why dolphins keeps jumping out of water when they swim- to catch their breath! And all mammals give birth to babies including these magnificent creatures.

We watched the Free Willy movie, which had us discussing why if the whale is a mammal, why can't it survive out of water? It just so happened last month, there was another great big whale beached on the River Thames, which unfortunately died despite massive effort to relocate it back to sea. This lead to discussions of the evolution and size. Which was interesting enough backed up by the Walking With Beast documentary about whales being originally aggresive predotary, snappy crocodile-like land creature which eventually evolved into this gentle creatures like the big humpback whale with thier soft fringed-like teeth. As always, Jnr is very short on attention but nevertheless his obsession allows continuous little talks and snippets here and there about whales' size, fats and bouncy, gravity and evolution.

Intersting link about whales
http://www.learner.org/jnorth/tm/gwhale/AdaptationsHead.html

Playing with FIRE!!!!

Current Obsession : Fire

Activities : How to light a match
How to hold a lite match without burning your finger
Looking at the dynamics of a match, what's that funny smell?
Glass over candle experiment

Observation :
That funny smell is called sulfur, same stuff fireworks made of. Jnr remembered that fireworks was first invented in Ancient China. When the bamboo chopstick got on fire, it demonstarted to him how the chinese invented candles, which is bamboo stick with moulded wax on it.

Melting wax and burning paper towel
That paper towel mixed together with melted wax together burns longer (oil lamp)
That paper towel wrap around wax coated satay sticks makes burning torch.
That wax is a reversable item. Melt into liquid, cools to solid form again.
Paper towel is a irreversible item. Burns into ashes. Cools into carbon form.

Wax is what was used in the special effects of the melting face scene in Indiana Jones. The melting head was just many layers of colour wax, moulded onto a skeleton frame.

This activity proved that Fire indeed is a very useful item, however it can also get out of hand very easily. Hence I'm pleased see that Jnr knew what was required to put out an out of control plate of burning wax. Put a wet towel over it.

We looked at the "glass over the candle on the plate" experiment, and observe how the lack of air will extinguish the flame. I then put some water on the plate, and repeat the process again. This time, when the candle goes out, water was being sucked into the glass. Which suggest a sucking motion was in process due to the flame going out.

MamaGecko made her own candle using a toilet roll with a birthday candle in the middle, and pouring all those melted wax into it.

I think we've learnt about the relationship between oxygen and fire. Science once again proved to Jnr that there's always a method or reason behind everything we see, and science certainly play a big part in all of his favourite movie special effects.

So the question being asked and discussed is how was fire first started, and then discovered. How did humankind stumble across fire in 10,000BC? Was it by accident that the caveman realised that fire changes the condition of raw food?

Next lesson:- We've seen on discovery channel how to start fire by rubbing 2 pieces of dry wood together. But how do one start fire using a magnifying glass?

Month 20 of unschooling....

We're still plodding along. Currently there's lots of Lego building, Bionicle building, movie fascination which suddenly saw me and Jnr going to the cinema 3 times already this month. Jnr is also keen to work with his pc syllabus without me having to negotiate with him to do so. He alternates between JumpStart Grade 3 which he really loves because of it's cute cartoon characters to DK's ClueFinders Grade 5 which we find alittle more challenging than the Grade 4 disc. We found this Grade 4 program more like a gap filler, with syllabus very similar to Grade 3, which was boring and slow.

We've bought the ADi's Complete Learning Pack for Year 4, but haven't got the chance to check it out yet but it does seems promising with it's cute-looking alien boy name Adi. My son has a thing for cute and funny characters.

Schedule - well, we're still working along a pattern of nonstop learning thru the pc for weeks, and then a sudden long stretch of not learning at all.

I am still constantly on the lookout for different ways to support Jnr's education. One of my HEing friend's 8 yrs old son started his own blog which I thought was a brilliant idea, so I've copied that. I suggested to son to start his own blog about his toys, predominantly Legos, and lucky me, he's sold on the idea. Hence AllAboutMyToys.blog begin.

Seeing him working on his blog made me realised that my son did learnt alot over these past 20 months. And that alot of his learning is all self- directed. Which got me thinking:-

What is he learning? I understand that he is learning, just by living life as he knows it, but will there be evidence that all these life skills can actually be translated into something academically tangible?

What I am trying to say is, school is trying to prepare it's children for life, by teaching them as much life skills as they can, their only evidence that a child has "absord a fairly reasonable level of " life skills that's been pitched at them, is exams results. But we're still not sure if the skills they've picked is more for passing exams or do they really understand what they've learnt can actually be applied to daily life?

I am now very interested to see evidence of my son applying his learnt skill to his living environment.

I supposed his blog about his toys is 1 evidence. The language skills that he's picked up has allowed him to be able to express his opinions, and write it down.

What other evidence of learning can I see?

Well, the freedom to buy whatever he wants has manifest into tremendous counting skills. Nowadays, he can very confidently calculate how many weeks of savings, or how much £ short he is, with regards to that slightly more expensive toy that he wants. He's beginning to start talking multiplications, and is able to multiply easily with 10s, 100s or 1000s. He's taken to calculating his pocket money in terms of annually- I think the idea of having a huge lump of money at one go really excites him, so much that he's suggested to me to give him the balance of his pocket money for the 2nd half of the year in one go LOL!!

Nowadays, my son is constantly looking for ways to make money- from laundry to selling me little Lego figures that he's made, and he has sold me many!! The deal was once sold, these figures were mine to keep. If he wants them back, he'll have to buy it back from me. Today, he didn't have the money to buy back a Lego Royal Mail plane from me but instead, he's offered to barter trade 2 newly bult Lego airplanes for it. A done deal!

We now have questions like how many days in such and such a month. Or how many hours in a month/ year? Questions about how long a journey will take which allowed the explanation of miles/ hour. And alot more questions, that has no link to the question or discussion before it. He is definetely learning in many parellel sequences, and all these parellel learning is moving asycrony. It seem like something in our discussion always trigger off an awareness of something totally different.

20 months on, we are now beginning to see the wonders of unschooling. We now see what every homeschooling experts is saying - "intrinsic learning". It will be really interesting to how all this little titbits fall in place, forming a bigger picture.

Homeschooling - How, Which and What

Links to help you to explore and choose your first step into the wonderful world of homeschooling. Bear in mind most homeschoolers always end up on a different path, compare to when they first start. That's the beauty of homeschooling- the opportunity of choices and the freedom to change according to our ever changing needs. Because of this flexibility, whichever one you've decided on, can never be wrong.

Pick the curriculum or philosophy you feel most comfortable with. It may never exactly be the "best one", but nevertheless it will serve well as a comforting "stepping stone" into the new world of your homeschooling.

Links that I feel helped me alot, and still do for I still dip in and out of them now and again for some new ideas.

http://www.vahomeschoolers.org/guide/styles.asp



http://www.eho.org/



http://www.smartkidathome.com/Story/Eclectic.html



http://members.aceweb.com/paden/links/styles_methods.htm

Aspergers Link

http://www.nellefrances.com.au/tips.html

Recognising Asperger

I could never work out how is it that I was sensitive enough to my son's needs. How natural it was for me to respond the exactly rtight way to his ASD needs, before we even know he was an Aspie. A right word to say or a soothing gesture, a hug, acknowledging and accepting his sadness or frustrations, cuddling him gently, stroking his sobbing, angry soul when things get too much and overloaded.

It surprises me to know, all the things that I've been doing was actually helping him with his ASD. All of these things that I naturally did, was the things that I would have to learn upon diagnosis of his ASD, according to the doctor. But somehow, I've already had a good headstart by already practicing half of it, many years earlier.

I always wondered why is it that my husband finds understanding and accomodating our child such a alien thing to practice. What was it that I could see, that he can't?
It was obvious that son is always prone to knee his dad, but yet hubby never quite learn to expect that or learn to avoid it.

Again and again, I asked, why is it so difficult for hubby to try to understand what was son saying? Is not like son was speaking a foreign language, but somehow, it does seems like hubby and son is on a totally different wavelenght.

Well, it turns out hubby is also an Aspie. But yet, it is possible for Aspie alike to be on a different wavelenght?

Well, it seems like it. I'm also beginning to recognised and now accept that I am partly responsible for son's ASD condition. All this while, I was reading on ASD's characteristics, all those hands flapping, sensitivities, social difficulties and all, little did I know that I was exhibit this characteristics more than my son!

I do flap my hands when I get excited. But I always thought I'm just a very animated talker!

I do pace the floor when talking in excitement. Well, I just didn't realised it.

This also explains why I don't have many friends, maybe one or two, if they are even classified as friends, for they always seems to fall out of touch sooner or later! And why I find making friends such a difficult thing to do. Plus also maybe this could explained why during my early days, all my friends were mostly guys. Maybe because it was easier to understand the more practical and direct mannerism of the male behaviour.

While researching for more clues on sensitivities for my son, I forgot I have issues with smells and bright light too.

And how I hate to be rushed. And how I hate changing my routine or having last minute changes to any schedule. It drives me up the wall because it totally throws me off my track, I become momentary lost, and will need time to re-gather my perspective before re-gaining my focus.

Perhaps this also explains my deep interest in science and history, like Pyramids and Maths. But the strange thing was, I was really, really bad in Maths during school. I flunked my Maths throughout my school days, but I never did hate Maths. I just knew, and accepted that I was very bad at it. But somehow, the idea of chemistry and physic intrigued me. I was fascinated by how it is to be possible to predict results, simply by manipulating numbers. I loved datas. It's amazing how a bunch of numbers can show you a pattern of consumerism and behaviours. I wanted to do chemistry and physics. But of course, according to the good old school system, I couldn't possibly handle physic lessons for my Maths' comprehension is so bad.

Well, I'm doing Maths now with my son, and I'm enjoying every lessons because I can see clearly now, where it all went wrong for me. I just didn't understand what the teacher was trying to teach. Bearing this in mind, remembering how confused I was, not understanding what the question was about, and how even more confused and lost I became, as I meandered into the maze of maths, I now understand how to help my son with his confusion of maths. I know understand how to re-word questions, or sometimes, it's better to just wait a little bit longer for the level of consciousness to click in, before comprehension can take place.

I also know understood why I was always alone during my childhood. I clearly remember walking round my old school which used to be an old convent building. In fact it was called The Holy Infant Jesus Convent School, used to be run by nuns during the 19th century. I could remember exploring every corner of this great old building. And I loved it. I have my favourite corners to hide in, one of it was at the old chapel on the first floor. I remember it to be this great big hall with polished dark mahogany timber floors, and great big white wooden french doors, with it's wooden slat shutters. Light filtering in thru the brushes of pines needles of the tall fir tress that lined the entire lenght of the chapel. I would stick my legs and my face thru the balustrades, a feeling of being high up and hidden, spying away at everyone on the playing field below. Sometimes it'll just be the students playing tag, sometimes it'll be teachers walking by, and a couple of time, Ms Muthu, the big and fearsome Indian headmistress, striding heavily along with her dreaded cane beside her. Oh yes, she'll not think twice about caning anyone caught misbehaving. I felt protected, hidden away in this cool and quiet sanctuary, away from the afternoon heat, and the hustle and bustle of everybody's expectations.

At the far end of the chapel will be the lonely body of Jesus on the crucifix, suspended high above the altar with it's embroided covering, candles flickering. I always thought what a contrast it is, him hiding here in the cool dark tranquility of the chapel, compare to his mom, The Holy Mother of Mary, standing high up in full glory, right at the front of the building, and the top most point too. Every day, the sun will shine bright and full on her, which she reflects back down to us common mortals, with her arms spread out in a welcoming manner, her smile serene and gentle.
I always thought how beautifully smooth and white her face was, and I especially liked that blue that she was wearing - it was powder blue, till this day, still one of my favourite colour.

Yes, those were the days I now recognised to be traits of Aspergers. The thing was, I wasn't feeling lonely. I didn't feel I was missing out on anything. I was just happy and contented to be wandering around this great old building, recognising each and every corner of it's structure. Every curve, every corner, every column, every archway, every room, every courtyard, and most of all, each any every one of those the old wooden french doors, with it's peeling paint and it' rakety shutters, like sleepy eyes, too heavy to be keep opened.

Yes, I'm convinced that my son is very similar to me; that he's happy with his own company too most of the time, keeping himself occupied with his own interest - his RPG games.

An Insight to how ASD works

I can across this article which I feel gave me a good insight of possibly how my child's ASD works. I hope this can help make sense for some of us and also to understand, and hopefully help plan our children's education better.


http://www.geocities.com/autistry/gould.html